You know, there are things in life which means nothing to someone but everything to another person. There is surely one thing of such kind in one’s life.

Now, I am facing a decision, this thought have been in my mind for the past days and there is only one thing holding me back and that is time. Not time as in time to make up my mind or whatsoever, but the duration of that one thing that has been going on. Once this decision is made, a loss is confirmed and sadness will surface, I am very sure of it.

I talked to someone about it and that person told me not to untie the knot the binds one together and that is really true. The bond between people should be broken by one party, because that is being selfish but if one sees that there is no point carrying on then what for continue the fact that pain will keep coming. Some things just won’t stop.

People change but isn’t that growing up? Should we stop our childishness and face the fact that it’s time to end everything. If someone brings pain to you, should it even carry on? Things are always done under the table and so many hatred, grudges and anger. I am so tired of being part of all this anguish. It’s time to put a stop. But, like I said, time is holding me back. A part of me wishes that it was back to those days of innocence where things are clear, words are straightforward and smiles are genuine. They are yet again, long gone.

Is this really growing up? If this is growing up then I might as well stay as a kid, because at least then, when you don’t like someone, you don’t like someone. You see someone, you just walk away and not like now even when you see someone you don’t like, you still walk up to that person and say hi. It is just so fake, so hypocritical and the last thing I want to find on myself is to be a hypocrite.

I have been and outcast in my secondary school days because I do not want to mix with anyone who do not like me, because I don’t want to be a hypocrite. You don’t like me, so be it. I am not going to mix with you guys shamelessly. I rather be alone than give you all any chance to say anything more behind my back.

Sigh. I wish someone understands how I feel. This decision, should i make it into a reality?
I want to be myself. Even i  I am going to be alone, at least I am not lost.