I think I’m such a failure.
Many times, I tried so hard to be brave.
Many times, I told myself not to cry.

But I still can’t hide that weak self.
Those water still fall from time to time.
The inside feels like fire, the outside feels like ice.

Thoughts and minds, truths and lies, black and white, wrong and right,
I can’t tell anymore.

Because till now, I will use lies on myself to cover up truths I don’t want to bear.
Then when I can’t lie further, I will crumble and I will fall.
Nobody there to pick me. Just me, myself and I.

Because at the end of the day, when one dies, one dies alone.
When one dies, all they would leave behind is some memories that may or may not be remembered.
But one thing for sure, the person who die, will rot beneath in the soil and dirt while the ones living will carry on because, the world doesn’t stop spinning just because of a death of an insignificant person.

Which is why, I don’t want to die.

Feel so ironic that this post comes after my celebrating for the holiday that is coming. I’m nuts.