是是非非真假
原来相当可怕
如甜梦全是哄骗话
真相被遗下话

若可分真假
情难修饰欺
诈柔情话诚实欠了吧
一切是废话


想 想你不会伤想
你不要伤想
你不再受伤
可讲的我都会讲
讲我都会讲请你不要乱猜
受创 如你心安不厌我我都讲

请 请你不要拖
请你不要拖
请你请你别拖
可讲的也请你讲
讲到底也讲
让我不再绝望
我衷心将一切尽讲（以真心将谎言尽挡）

梦在心中多好
情毋须怎宣布
无情话 无谓去制造
真相论程度

愿望星般多高
祈求真心倾诉
缘无尽蒙在那片雾 真爱未看到

i am going nuts.

i am really going nuts.

posting results are out like at tmr 8am. die le la.
my hands are shaking so hard dat i cant feel myself typing. its so cold too. i am so darn worried can. its like as though i am waiting for my o'levels results to come out again!!!


NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know, these days i have been worrying, well, maybe only before i sleep and occasionally when i stared into space. i worry i can't get into one of my 12 choices and the thought is horrible. just imagine. i am not so worried like how i was when o'levels result coming but worried enough to keep me praying. i know this is unlike o'levels, its not in my means to change the outcome, its not like o'levels whereby studying hard makes a whole load of difference. nope, this is more like up to the government to make the decision for me.

i went to check up the moe website just a few moments ago and its stated that it will be on the JAE internet system tmr, 8am. r-i-g-h-t!
so, what if my name is not there?
what if there is no course for me? this is ripping me off.

these days, i have been telling my friends when i meet them, i am so worried that i wont recieve an sms telling me the course that i have signed up for.

since the day i sign up for the JAE, i have been praying to God to let me get into the course of my desire, and to let the path of my future to be opened, leading me to a secure future.
but, i also understand that its not really up to me to decide. hais.

:(

So Channel 8 soap ‘The Little Nyonya’* has ended, and apparently 1 in 3 Singaporeans tuned in to its finale. Seow leow! That’s more than the number of people who vote in our elections! How come lai dat?**

Anyway, with such a runaway success, MediaCock must already be planning spin-offs. We speculate on what they might look like: POSSIBLE ‘LITTLE NYONYA’ SPINOFFS

1. The Dark Nyonya: by day, a Peranakan SPG, by night, she strikes fear into the hearts of criminals with her cincalok recipe
2. The Chronicles of Nyonya: the Bibik, the Bitch and the Buah Keluak
3. Casinonya Royale: Yueniang returns to Singapore for a mahjong smackdown
4. I, Rojak: the adventures of Yueniang’s offspring with their Japanese-Peranakan-British-and-later-got-donno-what-else blood
5. Nyonyas of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Kebaya
6. Lord of the Huangs: the Two Towkays
7. I Nyonya Stupid: Jack Neonya directs this tear-jerker about a mute schoolgirl who’s caned for failing her oral exam
8. Jurassic Peranakan: Scientists at Biopolis unleash horror on Singapore when they engineer dinosaurs from bird DNA found in bird’s nest sold by Yueniang.
9. Kung Fu Pantun: Pierre Png resurrects his Malay poem-spouting character, but this time as a silat expert.
10. You Don’t Mess With the Nyonya: wait she tie your hair tight-tight like her bun then you tzai si.

*Technically, as the child of a Japanese and a Nyonya, that would make her a ‘Nipponya’.
** It’s not like we can really understand what it means to have Chinese-Malay-Japanese history and suffer a lot but have to act dumb about it. Not to mention choosing the rich ang moh lawyer over the local dude you really love. Just saying only, lah.


okokok! i know how much fans the little nonya has and personally, i liked the show too. its just for fun ok.
credits: www.talkingcock.com

一个人走一走
walking by myself
街灯下的路口
at the streetlight near the junction
握不紧的双手
holding a hand i can't hold on to

不知怎么形容
i dunno how to describe
已被你击退的我
you have already defeated me
不知道该往哪躲
not knowing where to hide
想不到挽留的借口
can't find a reason to stay back

面对面跟我说
tell me in face to face
你已经不爱我
that you do not love me anymore
承诺全部没收
and that al the promises have been taken back

让我忘了所有
let me forget everything
一个人重新来过
start anew by myself
你怎么那么从容
how can you allow
怎么都等不及我回头
that you won't wait for me to return

狠心的话
heartless words
全都讲完
everything said
剩下的路
remaining journey
各走一半
finished it by ourselves
也许我真的不够勇敢
maybe i really dun have the courage
毕竟相爱一场有太多片段
no matter what the love we shared came a long way

告诉我
tell me
怎么能忘记你的笑容
how to forget your smile
告诉我
tell me
怎么做才是普通朋友
how to be normal friends again
假如你用心守候
if you used to heart to protect
不会是这个结果
we won't be the way we are
你说的我都懂
i know what you said
我却不能够 就这样放手
but i can't
告诉我
tell me
悲伤的时候会想起我
when you are sad, you will think of me
告诉我
tell me
你舍得让我独自漂泊
that you allow me to be alone
有些话说不出口
some words can't be said
害怕又犯下了错
afraid to make another mistake
分手还没有说泪就先流
words that has not come to mouth, but tears flow by themselves

i am going to collect my photos in a moment's time!!!
i am soooooo excited...can't wait t see the photos. roar. haha.

reunion dinner in another 3hours time too!!! haha.
okok. this is just a stiupid post.

bye.

went for junyuan's this year's CNY concert, for the first time as an alumni, w-o-w...i didn't went there with darn high expectations actually, i didn't it even expect anything from them at all. i know junyuan's standard to well.

i was actually looking forward to this day when i saw this, you know. take it for real and hope they really get married one day.

luckily 张智霖 was a good man and didnt gave in to
佘诗曼, the good news was that he saw how true he felt to his own girlfriend that they got married in the end, now with a son.

just look at how pretty she is!!!!

STEP ASIDE

another news! this 佘诗曼 has tried to woo 12 guys over the past years, all of which are rich, attached, married and eligible. it is said that she is trying to prove that she is an expert in this field and it seems to me, she is failing soon!!!!

i am so freakingly(is there such a word?) stupid!!!!

remember months ago i mentioned about the problem of the dates and time on my blog; that it is like always one day late or something?

AND

people asking me why do i blog like 1 in the MORNING when i should already by sleeping?!

well, GUESS WHAT!!!

the time which was set when i build this blog was GMT+08:00 which i initially thought was correct! what i din notice however, was the word beside it ----- GMT+08:00 (PACIFIC) which means that it is at least half a world away from what? singapore!!!

HOW MENTAL CAN I GET!?

roar! i am so angry at myself!!! :(

this is the most amazing machine at all. gave me the stomach cramps(:


LAST STOP: BOWLING AT SAFRA!!!

last place! bowling~~~as usual. it has become the game.n i suck as bowling today. i dunno why! roar. ah pong said that our time was over, it belongs to the younger generation! no! i cant accept that!!! michelle joined us after that too(:

shermeen all is tyco de lor!

i am rather disappointed in you despite the amount of times i disappoint you which is all the time but i know that it is a signal that it is about time we let go after all.

although we always say that we should let go but i know there is this bond that will keep us connected all the time, that we are inseparable no matter how much conflicts we had over how small whatever the matter is. but it always seems that this conflicts will disappear by itself and we will still keep in touch, talk and laugh over the craziest things.

but now, i noticed despite the numerous conversations we had, there is a lack of word of concern and care for each other. there are stoned silence all the time when we dunno when or even worst, we have no more topic to talk about. its difficult to start a conversation now.

in the past, it was really easy maybe because we dun feel burden for each other, there is no responsibilty involved but now its different. we are now responsible for how each other feels. we dun wish to hurt one another but it always seems that we will hurt each other eventually in one way or another.

why? when have we start to change, i wonder? i still remember how we longed to see each other every other day even though it may be just minutes. we tried our best to maintain this relationship but we failed. you no longer tell me what you ae thinking and i cant read your mind any longer. in the past, your every action is known to me, i know why you will do something or thought about doing it, but now i can't. why?

there is a sense of distance between us. we can be beside each other all the time but there is nothing to say and all we can do is smile and look away and even if we really talk, it wont even last 3 mins and we will find ways to walk away. even now if we meet, its because there is a need to or by coincidence. we wont find time or make time set aside for each other anymore. we dun go out together anymore and even if we do, you bring your friend, i bring mine. so, ta-dah, its not a day out again.

we are no longer interested in what each other does for that day. in fact, our talking session seems to be once a week, once a fortnight, once a month or even worst we talk now because there is a need, because ppl still thinks we are in the best of terms and will ask me to ask you out, its hard to tell them we are getting more fragile by the day and soon we become messenger for our friends. wow. we dun talk unless there is a need to. we dun anticipate smses from each other. we dun even cry for each other anymore. all the messages we had is just ".....eh, she wan ask you out tmr" or "eh, he ask me tell you he going for lunch at s-11". cool. since when did our relationship became a postman?

so, lets carry on with our lives on our own and stop becoming pidgeons for our friends. you tell them!

DON'T FRET!!!

now, there is a one-stop blogshop that sells products from TAIWAN! YES! clothes from taiwan.

http://www.beautyxpress-princess.blogspot.com/

the product sold ranges from shirt, pullovers, bags, sunglasses.....etcetcetc.

you name it, they got it all. here are some...

there are so many things i want to say.
i have been wanting to tell this to someone but whenever i try, i failed and i know if i don't get this off soon, i will just burst and go crazy.

sometimes, i think life can be so redundant sometimes, and in this case, my life. if i wasn't born, maybe more good things will happen and people around me will happier and maybe may regain freedom.

i have done nothing honourable in my life before. nothing that i can be proud of. then i suddenly thought and remember the story that i heard before and that story was my past, before i was born. yup. that story is also what that makes me think that things are better off if i wasn't born.

i used to convince myself that i am needed by my friends. no, they have not done anything bad to me. i love them with every bit of my life. but when i think about it, if i did not exist, they will still be the way they are, they will still go on with life. its not a real loss if i never came into their life. they will still carry on with who they are.

i also have thoughts like:
if i wasn't born, i would not have met hanlin neither would i have date him then maybe things, nothing will happen in his O'level year. his mother will also not be so worried about him.
if i wasn't born, i would not know ronney and maybe he would not feel bad whenever we quarrel over small things and get upset, both of us get upset over and over and over again.
if i wasn't born, maybe this someone i know won't feel upset and even may have regained freedom and be happier.
if i wasn't born, maybe more people will be happier and not get upset just because they know me.

maybe the people i feel most in debt to are also the people that love me the most and me to them. they love me the most but i did so many things that made them upset and sometimes i wish i rather not know them than see them getting upset over me. i hate it when they say they are disappointed in me and things like that.

i cry myself to sleep almost every night and pray to God and ask God if my birth was correct. i want to tell the story to someone, but who? maybe i know who to tell all along but i can't bring myself to do it. that person is probably the one that i rely on the most, the one that i really thank God for letting me know "him", but i have upset him, disappoint him over and over again. i always feel that i am responsible for his upsetting and stuff and that cause me to wish that he never know me then maybe he wont be upset or maybe living happily and not feel like he is tired. here, i like to say a sincere sorry to ronney poh....for all the hurting words and actions i did to you.

maybe things will really be better off if i wasn't around....

anyway, there is nothing for me to worry about now. all i can do is wait until 2 weeks later before my posting result is out. so jiayo and play while i can!!

:)